Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
