If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
