Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
