Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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