The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
