Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
