If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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