Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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