Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
