I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
