i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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