K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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