it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
