hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
