I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
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At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
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Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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