i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
