I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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