When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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