i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Randomize
