i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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