He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
