Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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