The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
thus making me awesome and them whores
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
