I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
