at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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