My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just gift wrapped bread.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
