Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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