i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
