Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
