tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
