Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
