So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
