I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
