I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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