yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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