she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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