cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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