I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
