Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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