Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
