we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
