***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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