She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
