I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
