it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
