God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
