I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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