I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
