You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
