Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
