Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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