proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
