dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
