Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
