i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
we should paint friendship bongs
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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