just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
did i walk over a car last night?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
