so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Houston, we have a squirter
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize
