JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
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While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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