Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
