A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
