This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
