I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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