I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
