just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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