just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
