the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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