Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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