we're blogging at a bar
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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