im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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