the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
