What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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