It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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