Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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