Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
