All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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