I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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