mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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