woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
