Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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