I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.