made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!