I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza