Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed