There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize