I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
