I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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