I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize