apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
