The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
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I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
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I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
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